Reflections

It's really starting to hit me: It's Tuesday night--almost Wednesday, eegads!--and Thursday morning, I will be headed to the Lucknow airport. I have just ONE full day left out of my ten week summer.

So...how does that feel...?
It's complicated.

On the one hand, I feel like I could have done more with this time--like volunteering with an NGO, for example, as that's the biggest thing that didn't come to fruition, albeit primarily because I felt that my Hindi/Urdu skills were too limited (I had troubles communicating with several of the NGO's I called--and by several, I mean all) and because India and its 120F heat zapped my energy. Still, that's one thing that I wish I'd really gone after in a way that I didn't.
However, when I came to India, my priorities were pursuit of knowledge and clarification, and I feel so much more at peace in these two realms. I have learned so much--so much Urdu, so much about India, so much about people, and so much about myself. My Urdu is basic intermediate, but I came here knowing absolutely nothing, so basic intermediate is a grand leap. About India...I can't begin to describe the things I feel I've learned.... It's way too broad to begin to explain.... Chatting and hanging out with my classmates has been one of my favorite things about this experience as the people I've met have been so overwhelmingly fascinating. They've been a huge encouragement and inspiration in terms of helping me discover what sort of person I want to be, what sort of people I want to spend time with, and what sort of person I eventually want to end up with. They've been so wonderful and I can't believe in just 48 hours we'll be boarding a flight back to America, a flight after which we'll proceed to pick our lives back up where we left them. It's mind-boggling to share a summer with such generally incredible people and to then have to split ways and resume everything else. I've lived in this imaginary place for ten weeks...and reality's catching up with me, but I digress. Finally, about myself, I feel like I'm only partially the person I thought I was. The best example I can think of is that I've always considered myself to be VERY "Type A." Well, there are many situations in which I am so "go with the flow" and passive that it blows my mind. India has handed me extreme heat, pests and vermin, illness, cold bucket showers, Indian toilets, etc., and my response to so much of it has been, "Well, whatever. Here we go." And that's not what I would have anticipated.

Along with this knowledge, there has also been a fair amount of clarification. On some level, I know that India will be a big part of my life for years to come. And while I want to write more about that here, I feel like that's something that I really want to others about first.... I'll keep you posted, though. Moral of the story, though, is that:

• I think I'll be back to India within the next two years for a period of at least 10 weeks;
• My grad school plans have changed;
• I have Fulbright proposals churning in my mind; and
• I think that within the next ten years, I'll be spending 2-3 years (easily) in India.

I have India on my mind and burrowing in me, as odd as that sounds. I can't imagine not returning here sometime sooner rather than later. India's more than a passion for me: It's really becoming more of a lifestyle choice.

That may not make much sense to anyone else, but if it doesn't, call me and let's have coffee. There's a lot on my mind, and there are some big--BIG!!--things that I'm sorting through as I pray about and wrestle with where the next few years will take me. I'm feeling so liberated in ways that I haven't felt liberated in a long time, and I'm seeing my life moving in really cool directions, and it's just incredible, absolutely incredible.

Again, if this rambling tangent is confusing, call me and let's have ourselves a chat over coffee. I'm really excited about where this story is moving....